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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1QmqZ6jLn8&sns=em

1.The Gays/Lesbians:These types of people do not need elaborate explaination to convince everyone that they have lil or no interest in valentine’s day. this act is an ungodly act that needs quick divine intervention, this act cause sodom and gomora to be destroyed.

2.The Real Born Again Christians:These sets of people in which I belong to don’t regard or recognise anything such like this.It’s highly unacceptable in the ‘christiandom’.The bible says ‘don’t be an equally yoke with the unbeliever’,hence,christians don’t engage themselves in valentine’s celebration.

3.Those In The Battle Field: [/b]Our patriotic and beloved Nigeria soldiers in Maiduguri and other parts of the North-East will definately not be having a one-out time with their loved ones this season.

4.[b]The Singles:I know many will be on this lane.Many broke up before the celebration in the aim of dodging his responsibility during this season whilest some don’t have a date.Majority of these people are the guys ‘cos the ladies are always engage and it’s their norm.

5.The Handicaps:By handicaps,I don’t mean the handicap the bettors give to a club whilest staking his game oh,lol.Such people in this group may include,the dumb,the blind,the deft,the lame etc.These sets of people would likely go to their plantation tomorrow being saturday or even stay indoor to watch GoTv,hence,they don’t bother about valentine’s day.

6.The Minor Or Under-aged:When I was a lil boy,I used to see people put on reds cloths,caps on val’s day but I didn’t know why they were puting on such on that day not until I was matured enough to know the reason behind it.So,a minor is less concerned about val’s day,all he cares for is to get his parents’ attention,play around and get his stomach filled to the brim.

7.The Typical Hustler:The truck pusher,wheel Barrow pusher,the undertakers,the itenerant trader,the pedestrians,the hawkers etc hardly think about Love ‘cos they don’t have the time for such and hence,less bothered about it.

8.The Village ‘papos’ And ‘Mamos‘:These are the old people in the village usually the Grandpa and grandma.They can hardly move out ‘cos they are too old and those who can,don’t even remember anything like val’s day let alone celebrating it.

9.The Experienced:These categories are the ones who try to advise their younger ones/sibblings to steer-clear from guys this period ‘cos they’ve seen the bad side of val’s day.These ladies are in their late 30’s trying to caution their sibblings who aren’t adult at the moment.They are experienced and as such not so bothered about the season as the youths do.

10.The Ugly ones:]These sets of people have been forcing themselves on the opposite se.x long before the val’s day but as soon as the day approaches,they all alone.These categories of people are commonly ladies who don’t have any swag,who put on un-attracting skirts that are long to their toes,they have no features on their body to attract a guy,the least goes on and on.As such,they relax in their single apartment all day.

READ MORE @http://www.naijaolofofo.com/top-10-categories-people-wont-bother-valentines-day/

The pastor and 2 others who accompanied him on a pastoral visit were reportedly beheaded by fuming youths in Ediba.

Confirming the incident, the state police commissioner, Henry Fadairo disclosed that the pastor and the 2 other members of the Assemblies of God church in Mkpani area of Yakurr LGA, Cross River were slaughtered brutally and beheaded.

Police PRO, Hogan Bassey, also confirmed the incident, saying it was under investigation

READ MORE @http://www.naijaolofofo.com/assemblies-of-god-pastor-2-others-beheaded-by-angry-youths/

Is it more important to love … or to be loved?

Most of us would agree with George Eliot’s words, “I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved.”

Valentine’s Day is the occasion when you can experience both.  We asked FamilyLife Facebook friends and Marriage Memo readers to share some of their favorite Valentine’s Day ideas.

With a little help from our friends, here are 25 creative ways to tell your spouse, “I love you.”

1. On small pieces of paper, write down every kind of kiss that you can think of (examples: passionate, on the cheek, etc.). Then fill an inexpensive red felt bag with your “kisses” and give it to your spouse. Ask your spouse to pull several pieces of paper from the felt bag, and then give your sweetheart whatever kind of kiss is described.

2. Make a book about why you love your spouse and why you are thankful for him/her.  The woman who sent this idea wrote, “He loved it! Said it was the best gift he has ever gotten.  And it helped me to focus on the things I love about my husband and not his shortcomings.”

3. Take your sweetie on a scavenger hunt. Ask him/her to answer riddles to find the clues to items that you placed somewhere around town. The last item should give instructions that lead to your Valentine’s Day activities.

4. After enjoying a candlelight dinner for two at home, give your spouse a massage and watch a romantic movie. The woman who suggested this wrote, “Last Valentine’s Day when I got home from work, my husband … had our bedroom set up with a candlelit table for two. He is NOT a cook but he made an awesome meal … grilled steak, sautéed shrimp in lemon, garlic, and butter, a vegetable, and [he] bought a chocolate fountain that was flowing—surrounded by fresh fruit for dipping. After dinner he led me over to his homemade massage table. … We ended our special night with a romantic movie.

5. Surprise your spouse with a special getaway together. The man who suggested this made reservations at a bed and breakfast, arranged for childcare, asked for time off from work for himself and his wife, and packed his and her bags. When he asked his wife to go to lunch on Valentine’s Day she was in for a wonderful surprise. “The little bit of effort I put into that weekend paid off huge for weeks to come.”  (For an extra  special experience, take your spouse to one of FamilyLife’sWeekend to Remember marriage getaways.  It’s one of the best investments you could make in your marriage.  There are seven scheduled around the country forValentine’s weekend, and many more throughout the year.)

6.  Give your wife a dozen roses. On each stem attach a note for a future date—to do something that she would enjoy (example: Go to the symphony).

7. If possible, go on a date with your spouse to a restaurant that you enjoyed when you first met. After you order your meal, take some time to write down favorite memories from the past year. Then share your lists.

8. Have 11 roses delivered to your wife, and then give her a 12th yourself while reading her a love poem.

9. Fill a large box with helium balloons and special gifts for Valentine’s Day. The woman who suggested this said that her gifts included “new sleep shorts for him and a new nightgown for me, a box of chocolate-covered strawberries and red napkins … some new candles, and a romantic CD. He got the hint. And loved the weekend.”

10. Create an intimate Valentine’s Day evening at home, without the children. The woman who suggested this idea said that she and her husband “enjoyed planning the menu, shopping for the meal, and ultimately preparing the meal together. Cooking to soft, romantic music can really be a turn on! While dining, the same soft, romantic music is a wonderful mood-setter. Dinner was followed by just the two of us having the whole dance floor, our den, to ourselves. I won’t say what all this led to, but it was a truly romantic night that would not have happened at the local restaurant!”

11. Order food from a take-out restaurant and have a picnic for all the Valentines in your family on your living room floor.  The person who suggested this said, “The kids look forward to this every year. When we tried to change it, they wouldn’t allow it … it has become a tradition. The kids see the value of family and a loving marriage.”

12. Privacy and weather permitting, watch a romantic movie on your deck or patio.

13. If you are separated across the miles, send a care package filled with things that are red.

14. Make a meal with symbols of love. Examples: Write I love you with string beans, make a tart in the shape of a heart …

15. Hide little heart candies in your spouse’s shoes, coat, car, etc.  The woman who suggested this said that she’s been doing this for decades. “Now a couple of the grandkids help me with delight.”

16. Wives, show up at your husband’s office before lunch. Call him from the parking lot and tell him you are going to take him for a lunch rendezvous and that you will be waiting for him whenever he can take a break. Wear a nice outfit and tell him you have something sexy on underneath for when he gets home. Take him to a nice place for lunch and back to the office. Give him some great kisses telling him how glad you are to be married to him, and tell him you will be waiting for him when he gets home.

17. Fill a jar with Valentine candy and notes for your spouse. Examples of notes are: Good for a backrub, 10 kisses, etc. Notes could also express your love and respect: “I am so glad that God blessed my life with such a great husband like you.” Individually roll each note and tie it with a ribbon.

18. Surprise your spouse by taking a vacation day from work and enjoy Valentine’s Day at home. Have a relaxing morning together on the porch, deck, or patio. Then go to a favorite restaurant for lunch.  The man who suggested this idea had also reserved a spa treatment and tanning session for his wife. “While she was doing that,” he says, “I went home and made her a special dinner.”

19. Write a poem for your spouse and frame it.

20. On individual note cards, write why you love your spouse. Insert these cards in a small photo album.  The woman who suggested this idea began her album with a honeymoon picture and introductory note card, and ended it with a love note.

21.  Surprise your husband when he comes home from work on February 14. Place a welcome sign on the kitchen table and leave a trail of red foil-wrapped Hershey kisses to your bedroom.

22. With roses in hand and permission from your wife’s boss, go to her workplace and read a love poem to her. The woman who shared this idea said, “I am a teacher in an inner city school. Last year my husband dressed in my favorite suit and tie, came to my school with roses in hand.  He got permission and assistance from the office staff to open the speaker system into my classroom and proceeded to read a long and beautiful love poem to me.  He then came to my classroom and presented me with the bouquet of roses which I received while wiping my tears of joy and love for this wonderful man whom I have been married to for just under 30 years.”

23. Make a special “14 Reasons I Love You” Valentine’s Day breakfast for your sweetheart. On his/her plate, leave a letter or card listing 14 reasons that you love your spouse.

24.  If possible, send a card postmarked in a town that has a romantic name such as Loveland, Colorado; Valentine, Texas; or Romance, Arkansas.

25. After your spouse goes to bed, tape notes to his car’s steering wheel with reasons that you love him, or decorate the bathroom mirror with lipstick kisses or Valentine’s window clings.

Have fun on February 14, and remember: Love is not meant to be given and received on just Valentine’s Day. Instead, it’s to be practiced every single day of the entire year.

Oh! You thought Midnight crew had called music quit as a group? Their new video “Mo Dibo” shows that’s very far from it. From their last released album “Kind Of Nations” comes the official video to the single “Mo Dibo” a yoruba phrase which means “I vote (for Jesus)” in English.

This comes at time when Nigerians are getting ready to go to the polls, as the Presidential elections come up on Saturday, February 14, 2015. The video ended with an inscription “Don’t Sell Your Soul”.

Source : Nathanielbassey org

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Facebook.com/Nathaniel.bassey.7
Twitter @Nathanielblow

“Don’t piss off the sound man” and other useful tips.

There’s tons of little known important tips and tricks to being hired, called back, and liked in the music community. There are many many more ways to lose the job and never get another chance. Here’s a number of things I’ve learned firsthand that’ll help in any live music venue. Okay, some of them are things I’ve learned from friends, but I left out all the urban legends. Don’t worry though, there’s still lots of entertaining feats of stupidity here.

Don’t piss off the sound man.

A thousand examples come to mind for this, both as a musician and a sound dude. Remember, the sound guy shows up early, goes home late, carries more equipment than the entire band, gets paid less, and has to listen carefully to music no one else will.

I was running sound for a medium-sized public outdoor venue. Thrilled to be running audio for a bunch of top name jazz artists week after week, I got the job because I was cheaper than anyone else. This is always a bad sign. I ran the whole thing, schlepping the whole system in and out myself and trying to keep the performers happy while still providing good front of house. Great gig, great music, no support from the organizer. This guy, who also emceed the shows, knows nothing about sound, jazz or music, though he DOES hold a PhD in jazz history or something. Consequently, he has a tendency to say the wrong thing to performers at odd times and ask for equipment that isn’t there… At the last show, he was thanking the crew, management, artists, when I saw my chance. As he got to, “And I’d like to thank Russ Haines, the sound engineer, without whom…” I killed the mains. The lips keep moving, but no sound comes out. He talks a bit more before noticing, so I miraculously turn the volume back up just as we hear the classic, “[thump, thump] …hey, is this thing on?” which causes the audience to crack up. I thought it was a good-natured non-injurious joke, but I didn’t get hired back the next year…

Don’t shake hands with new band members on stage.

Learned this one from Glen Garrett at Northridge. This sounded useless and stupid when I first heard it, but the better you get, the more calls you get to sit in with folks. Eventually, you’ll start filling in for pit bands or play standards in clubs with people you’ve never rehearsed with. If you read well, any band with a complete book can use you as a sub. Most bands can agree on at least a few sets of standards you can safely sit in on. You can always tell the newbie when he shows up on the bandstand and tries to be polite by introducing himself to the other players by shaking hands. As Glen put it, “This is death onstage.” You can do it verbally, you can do it backstage, but shaking hands where the audience can see it just lets them know you’ve never met the other musicians before. They’ve paid to get in to hear the band, or a “name” performer, and they expect the band to be a unit. Shaking hands lets them know they blew twenty bucks on a group that lets people sit in during a gig. Remember that most people can’t tell the difference between good music and music that looks good. Don’t give them a reason to wonder.

Don’t ask for more guitar in the monitors.

There are plenty of exceptions to this rule if we’re talking about acoustic guitar or direct feeds, but not a full stack in a club. A friend was running sound at a big local club. The band was a full-shred death metal local band with pretentions of getting a contract. They hadn’t played out much but wanted to sound cool and professional at what might’ve been their first big break. Lots of props, lots of amps. As I recall there were at least two or three guitarist with at least full Marshall stacks each, maybe two stacks for the lead. This alone was almost a match for the output of the entire house PA. Being a nice guy, my friend agreed to mic the guitar amps, not because he thought it would be needed but because the band really thought it was necessary. After all, he could just leave the faders down on those channels… or not plug in the cables at the board… They get onstage as the second or third act of the night so there’s no sound check except a few “Check, check” by the lead vocalist. The volume they need is clearly going to be a full “10” from the monitors. As they start up their set with all sorts of feedback issues to contend with, not only does the vocalist need more in the monitors, but the guitarists start saying they can’t hear their guitars. “More guitar in the monitors,” was the call over and over again. Call me narrow minded, but if you’re standing in front of a hot full stack on “11” in a club and you can’t hear it, there’s something seriously wrong with you, not the PA. There’s was so much coming out of the stage that front of house was almost completely off. There’s no way to rescue the sound at that point. Remember, it’s the audience that matters. Trust the sound guy or bring your own.

Don’t touch other people’s equipment without asking.

Most musicians have spent more time touching the instrument they play than wearing underwear. It’s a day in, day out commitment. Grabbing someone’s ax without asking is a violation of personal space. If you don’t like that reasoning, here’s some GOOD reasons: A guy picks up the electric guitar just dropped on the stage only to find out it was dropped because there’s AC going through it. Or how about you make a tweak on the board when the engineer’s not watching to make something “sound better”, when feedback ensues the engineer can’t find the source immediately. Just don’t do it. It’s rude.

Rehearse with your audio engineer.

Ever wonder why amateur and mediocre bands sound boring after a few songs. There’s a good chance part of it is because there’s no one making valid and interesting changes on the mixer. Getting channels up and down at the right place in a song can give the band dynamics. At least it can keep the stage volume down by giving the right instrument focus at the correct time. It also gives you a chance to get “your sound” across to the audience. There’s a Count Basie record mixed live by a guy who didn’t know jazz and hadn’t heard Basie. Count Basie, for you heathens who don’t know, was a jazz big band leader famous for playing very sparsely often with only one or two notes every few bars. The engineer, thinking Basie should be featured because it’s Basie’s band, mixed the whole album with the piano cranked up like a featured soloist. The liner notes try to redeem the album by suggesting the listener really gets a chance to hear what Count Basie is playing all the time. ACK! It’s a big band. Actually I’ve had the same thing occur when I was in a big band and when I was second (or third) engineer for a big band: the House Sound Dude sets up eight mics for the drums, but can’t find one for the tenor soloist… or the alto… or the trumpet. “It’s a trumpet, we’ll hear it. Trumpets are loud.” Arggghhhh…

Listen to the sound man.

You’ve got to hope the Sound Dude is there for a reason. If you’re lucky, he’s got at least a vague clue how to get a decent sound in the venue. Chances are he’s on your side: the better you sound, the better he sounds. Until you piss him off, then all bets are off. He’s likely to have some suggestions that will help get the best sound to the audience. Frequently this may include turning down an instrument. Guitarists often won’t believe in turning down, thinking their sound will be compromised. But most small and medium venues weren’t designed with acoustics in mind. The frequencies that travel well are the low mids and below; the louder you get, the muddier the sound away from the speakers. By paying attention to the sound man, you might be able to avoid the “wall of mud” syndrome. Maybe the stage responds sympathetically if the bass amp is in a certain spot. Maybe the kick drum slaps against the rear wall if pointed in the wrong direction. There’s lots of things you can’t possibly know if you’re onstage. The sound man may be your best friend. Maybe your only friend.

Don’t choke up on the mic unless you really want that sound.

Wrapping your hand around the windscreen of the mic is generally a bad thing. Many amateurs do it because they think it looks cool. I’ve heard some say they do it to hear themselves better. If choking up helps you sound better, you need to get a better monitoring system. What’s really happening is mostly bad. You’re defeating most of the feedback rejection properties of the microphone, making it hard or impossible for the sound dude to maintain the volume -usually he’ll have to turn down to avoid ringing or feedback if you’re running at more than half volume. I feel embarrassed watching vocalists who choke up on a mic for no good reason or who try to control volume by waving the microphone around. Both of these things are good and useful if and only if you’ve practiced them and know how to control the effect. This is hardly ever the case.

Don’t point the mic at the monitor.

A cool counterexample for this rule comes from a time I was shmoozing with the owner of a large pro audio company. We were at a new venue where he was showing me his live audio reinforcement rig (about 5-10kW). Sitting behind an impressive 12×32 monitor matrix board was the stage audio engineer. He looked like he could have been an extra in any of the albino-mountain-freak scenes in Dueling Banjos. Not only were many teeth missing, he also had a big wedge monitor about a foot and a half from his head at full volume to check the monitor channels. During a set break, the owner took me onstage to run a “sound check” -I think he just wanted people to see he was in charge. Grabbing each mic in order, he would take it off the stand, say “check check” a few times to verify it was on (and they were on and LOUD), then he would point the mic directly at appropriate monitor for that singer and push in until it was about two feet away. No feedback. As it got close, you could hear the start of ringing, but the stage mixer would catch it with a 30 band equalizer before it got bad. I was impressed. Not that there’s anything magic about this, it’s just a matter of knowing your system and how acoustics work. Having enough 30 band graphic Eqs for every output channel is useful, too. But all of this assumes your engineer is good and you’ve planned ahead. What usually happens when the band doesn’t have enough room or time to set up is a lot different. Monitors pointing at the front of a microphone are bad. Mains behind microphones are bad. And I can’t even remember the number of times the vocalist is handholding the microphone and relaxes his arms, inadvertantly pointing the mic at a monitor. It’s even worse when the vocalist doesn’t realize where the feedback is coming from. Absolute worst is when the singer doesn’t recognize the sound of feedback…

Don’t ask the audience if they think the (your choice) is too (loud/soft).

“Can you hear me there in the back?” Dumb question. Of course we can’t hear you, that’s why we’re standing as far away as possible. Usually this sort of problem pops up from the primadonna in a band. Or the vocalist… Yes, you should be concerned with your sound, but deal with it professionally. Asking the audience if the lead guitar is too loud just makes you sound whining and petulant. Deal with onstage ego (volume) problems before the gig. Deal with audio problems during the gig by talking with someone who has their hand on a fader. Send a friend into the audience to check the sound if you’re worried. The sound guy is doing his best to make you sound good until you piss him off. Turning the audience against him won’t do you much good.

Don’t gripe on stage.

You’re in the middle of the gig from hell. The guitar player is playing with five strings. The drummer just launched another stick at your head -DUCK!-. And you can’t hear anything but boomy mud. But the audience will probably never know unless you say something to make it obvious. I ran a survey for a series of performances once. With two or three shows every day for a week there was a good variety of quality. On the way out to the bus, I’d ask a bunch of performers not in my act how my show went. The band agreed on the quality of each performance, the reviewers generally agreed on the quality of each performance. But there was little agreement between the band and the reviewers. One show that I thought was absolutely smokin’ was the poorest received by the audience. The only real difference between semi-pro and professional is that you can’t tell when a pro screws up. Keep that stage face on.

Don’t turn to stare at drummer when he screws up, chances are only 2% of the audience noticed.

People are sheep. Sheep don’t know much about music, but they’ll react as a group if you give them a reason. A guy I know collects classical recordings. He’d try to get the first vinyl pressing of everything that came out. He was knowledgable about everything from concert halls to composers. An audiophile, he had plenty invested in his stereo and good arguments for most of the choices he’d made. Then one day I was tuning my guitar in his presence. He wondered what I was doing. So I made a short explanation of pitch and beating which he didn’t understand. To demonstrate, I played one open string then the next higher string asking which one was higher in pitch. He couldn’t tell. After an hour or so of practice, he could answer correctly for most intervals wider than a minor third if they were in the middle of the guitar’s range. I tried moving on to the concept of an octave, but it wasn’t working. He thought this whole “pitch” thing a great game and a real musical ability that he’d gained. He might be right, be twice nothing is still nothing. No one has heard the song as many times as you have, they’re not going to catch even glaring mistakes if you don’t give them a clue. During a solo, a jazz trumpet player friend hit a clunker, stopped, and said, “It’s in the chord! Flat five! Flat five!” It wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that most jazz solos don’t have vocal commentary.

Don’t stop a song when you break a string.

If you’re a bass player, there’s no excuse. Work around it. While playing in a hard rock/funk band, my bass playing muscles got so strong I would tend to break a string every three hours. There’s no reason to play this hard. I liked the sound I was getting, but you really don’t need to do this for good tone. Part of the fun was in playing around the broken string until there was a chance to switch. Once I showed up for a paying gig with a three string bass, having forgotten to buy replacements (always carry backups). The performance went fine until the keyboard player noticed and freaked out. Guitarists with a floating whammy bridge may have to stop playing after breaking a string, but don’t stop the song. For safety at “mission critical” gigs, you may want to set the bridge so it rests on the backstop (body) and only goes down. It feels a bit weird, but a broken string won’t throw the whole guitar out of tune. If you absolutely must have a floating bridge, keep in mind that you may be able to play on one or two strings down a fret after a string breaks. Have a backup ready and in tune in any case.

DO use a tuner BEFORE going on stage.

Do you own a tuner? Why not? An obvious amateur or semi-pro answer is that you can tune your instrument just fine without any help. While this is true for everyone but the oboe in a wind ensemble, it’s death for guitarists and bassists. Though your instrument may be in tune with itself, chances are almost one-hundred percent that it’s not going to match the other instruments. Plenty of times I’ve heard someone off-stage getting their axe in perfect tune only to walk onstage and find that it’s way off concert pitch. Worse, I’ve been in many bands where each string player would make the others shut up while they tuned. So what’s your reference pitch if everyone has to be quiet while you tune? There’s a reason orchestras make all that noise while warming up together. Hearing everyone’s pitch-center ensures coherence between instruments. Tune early, tune often. If you run a cable through the tuner to the amp, you can tune while playing. Pull the input to the amp (at the amp) a half-inch out to kill sound between songs for tuning. Being slightly out of tune is a lame way to turn the audience against you.

Make sure that if you use different tuners, they all agree on pitch.

Hard to believe, but tuners may have different ideas of where A 440 is. Most of the crystal driven tuners will be accurate all the time, but older stuff, especially the stroboscopic tuners may vary. Also, make sure the tuner is on A=440 if that’s what you’re using as a reference. Many tuners offer an option of setting the reference anywhere from A=438 to A=446. Some will let you define the reference pitch: be careful of doing this. One of my favorite mistakes is when the guitarist tunes to a keyboard which has been transposed. There was one band I was in where the keyboard player hated playing in F minor. So he’d transpose down a step for E minor. No big deal unless the guitar player bonks on a few piano keys to tune between sets…

MAKE A SET LIST. Don’t waste time between tunes.

Okay, you’ve got a good band. You just smoked the opening tune. Everyone’s out on the dance floor having a good time. You hit the last chord and actually finish together. Then… silence… The audience starts staring at the band. Nothing. “Uhhh, what’s next?” “I dunno, what do you want to do?” The audience starts shuffling around nervously. If this happens more than once, the audience will be afraid to be on the dance floor when the song stops. It feels like being left standing in musical chairs when the music stops. I’ve played in mediocre bands that got great audience response because we never gave the audience time to realize how mediocre the band was: if they’re dancing, it must be good. Conversely, I’ve been in bands where even the set list didn’t prevent long delays between tunes. Maybe the guitarist needed a cigarette, couldn’t find one, bummed one off the rhythm guitarist, finds a lighter, drinks some beer… I don’t care what you sound like if you can’t make music more than half the time you’re onstage. Another way to screw up the performance is to not know who starts the song. This happens amazingly frequently. You’ll know it when the band calls the tune then starts looking around at each other. Maybe you’ll even hear one of the musicians humming the opening phrase to someone. If your band has its act together, the next song should be safe to start as soon as the previous one ends. The drummer shouldn’t have to look around at everyone to get permission to go. Look at the set list BEFORE you finish a song. And while you’re at it, have a backup plan in case you do need to kill time between songs. Be sure that joke you’re saving for an emergency is appropriate to the audience. One vocalist I’ve worked with knows lots of really good jokes, but isn’t safe to let near the mic between songs.

Know who the house manager is and follow his instructions.

Sure it’s “your band”. Maybe you even brought in “your crowd”. But if you can’t keep the house manager happy, you don’t get to come back. Sometimes this is the owner of a club. Sometimes it’s the senior bartender. If you’re lucky it might be the booking agent or talent rep for the venue. Find out ahead of time who’s got the voice of god. Frequently they’ll be so happy you came to talk to them, you can get away with murder. If you can do the subservient act well, you may even get to do more than you want. Free beer, tips, a bonus are all at your fingertips IF you keep checking in with the Official Guy. This is particularly important if you know the Official Guy is often a problem. By pretending to care what he says before and during the show, you may make him think -maybe for the first time in his pathetic little life- that someone is on his side. Even if you’re not going to do exactly what he wants, a little lip service goes a long ways. Changing the EQ on the bass in almost like turning it down… Pointing the guitar amp away from the audience is almost like turning it down… Reaching for a knob and pretending to move it is… You get the idea… One place I played had a problematic person-whose-orifice-must-be-kissed. By keeping in contact with this person throughout the gig, we kept him happy even though we hated his guts and couldn’t agree with anything he said. It turned out he owned the club AND another place we wanted to get booked in.

Don’t keep playing if a fight breaks out in the audience. The management might not notice if you keep playing. Of course, if you play places where they put up chicken wire to protect the band, do whatever you like.

I’ve never really had to make use of this, but it came from a pro who I respect. He was warning about a club I was likely to play for the first time. He explained that management always has a way to bounce problem people and wants to do it as soon as possible to keep the rest of the sheep happy. The band is frequently in the only place to see the whole club at once. A fight will be really obvious in the sudden silence. It also makes it trivial for the staff to get through the rest of the crowd. I was running sound in a club once when a problem patron stumbled out of a brewing fracas. No big deal until he stumbled hard into the boom mic for the saxophonist. The sax player got his horn crammed into his mouth. Which probably didn’t need as much repair as his horn after he litereally drop-kicked it off the stage moments later. Maybe they could have spotted this problem earlier and prevented it. Maybe not.

Know, at least, how each tune starts and ends. Seriously, you may be used to dribbling into a tune and ending when the drummer gets tired. Make sure everyone knows what’s happening.

If you’re mostly a rehearsal band, you may get used to weak starts and fade-outs. Then suddenly, you’re onstage in front of people and you realize just how stupid it sounds live. Even if you do it intentionally, make sure each musician starts with authority and ends with conviction. Trying to pull off a decrescendo to end a song often makes me want to yell, “Live Fade! Live Fade!” just like really hokey tricks in a three-dee movie makes you want to yell, “3-D! 3-D!!!” For a lot of songs, just having someone who will wave an arm to strike the last chord is enough. In jazz, you may want to agree on the end before getting there. There are some standard ways of getting in and out of tunes that can be implicit or agreed to with eye-contact. Find out ahead of time. A good example of a bad way to perform live is frequently seen in amateur vocalists who call a tune and start singing without even get their pitch from the band. Once again, the difference between semi-pro and professional is that you can’t tell when a pro makes a mistake. The beginning and end are the most obvious places to notice obvious blunders. The other obvious place to notice a mistake is the middle, which about covers the subject.

If someone compliments you, say “Thank You”. Don’t say, “You should hear us when we’re playing well” or “Are you kidding? We suck!”

Right or wrong, you’ve got to accept a compliment. It takes extra effort for someone to say something nice to the band, whether it’s deserved or not. Be being polite and appreciative you’ll fool them into thinking you’re twice as good. Thanking someone isn’t being immodest, you’re simply acknowledging what they said. You don’t need to agree to with them thank them. And if someone asks for an autograph, don’t freak out. Just do it and be happy someone might think it’s valuable. My natural reaction to being asked for an autograph is, “Get real!” This is absolutely the wrong answer. Luckily it’s not an issue very often for me…

Look at the audience. You’ve had plenty of time staring at your instrument, don’t do it now.

After thousands of hours practicing your instrument, you may be in the habit of staring at it while playing. Bad idea. You can fool a lot of people into thinking you’re good if you make eye contact while playing. Spread it around. Look at the other musicians once in a while, maybe you’ll learn something. Maybe they will. Making eye contact doesn’t mean staring at them, just look at someone consciously once in a while. If you’re lucky enough to play in front of more people than you can actually see individually, use the actors’ trick of looking out over the crowd. By keeping your head up and looking out to the back of the house, you’ll appear as is you’re involving the whole crowd. This is more effective and important than you would possibly believe. A lot of amateur and semi-pros never convince the audience there’s anything go on simply because there’s no involvement. People are sheep. If they can’t tell visually you’re having a discussion with the other musicians, they may not hear it, either. By looking into the audience, you may be able to fool them into thinking they’re part of the act. And if they think they’re involved in what’s happening on stage, they’ll have a harder time believing it sucks.

Settle your contract before you go onstage. Know how long and when you will be playing, at least.

After you have enough problems with verbal contracts, you may start insisting on paper. But I’ve had decent luck on the casual casuals just making sure I repeat back the facts during a phone conversation. Make sure you know the difference between arrival time and the downbeat. You may hear “We want you there at 8pm.” But it could mean they expect you to start playing at 8, or you can start setting up at 8. Big difference. Lots of people seem to think a band can walk in the door and start playing immediately. Make sure the person who is going to pay your check agrees to your concept of set length and breaks. Three half-hour sets isn’t enough for playing a bar, but might be ridiculously too much at a club as part of the show. If you’ve worked up “the perfect set” only to find the guy writing the check needs another fifteen minutes, you could be out of luck if the only thing left in your list is a polka version of “Rawhide”.

Don’t get twisted before your show. You don’t sound better, honest.

The audience isn’t drunk before you start playing, so you probably shouldn’t be, either. If you’re nervous at the start, you’re normal. Cope with it. Getting altered just before going on can throw off the whole night. If things don’t start out smoothly it can escalate quickly while you fumble for solutions. Every player I’ve worked with who says, “I play better stoned/drunk/shrooming/bent/dosed,” has been wrong. They may think they sound better, but it usually just leads to rambling pointless solos and playing too loud. If the gig is running well and the audience is getting toasted, you might have a bit of fun, but don’t get a head start on the whole thing. Also, it’s kinda lame in most shows to have the guitarist throw up. Some bands, that’s a highlight, but don’t count on it.

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• Happy are those who keep his decrees, who seek him with their whole heart” —Psalm 119:2
  Contrary to our popular association with emotions, biblical writers pictured the heart as the seat of our will. To love God with all your heart means responding to him with intentional choices that reflect his character and will. To engage people volitionally in worship is to develop gatherings that move people to actual decisions. Worship is not just about what we do in church on Sunday mornings, but about how we live our lives 24/7. Experiential Worship gatherings help people encounter God in such a way that they are inspired and empowered to live their whole lives as sacred offering to him. Explore these HeartWorship ideas and ask God to show you how to engage the will of your people more fully in worship.